Saturday, 13 October 2012

From Dead to Teen in 13yrs...

I realise that the title of this post seems a little morbid.. It's not meant to be but it is somehow, very apt. You see, my Boo has just turned 13. This may not seem very interesting or exciting for you but to me it's very emotional. My pregnancy wasn't a very easy one or a very loving one, "Him in doors" & I had a lot of stress in our lives from his ex wife, which made what should have been the happiest time of our lives, sad & stressful. I had always imagined pregnancy to be so romantic.. Holding hands while shopping for baby bits, cuddling & talking to the bump... You know, like they do in romantic films. But for us, this wasn't the case, we argued A LOT, we didn't go shopping together, we didn't cuddle & talk to the bump, in fact, we didn't spend much "Quality time" together at all. All the stress was obviously to much for me as Boo came early... 9wks early & as you can imagine, this was scary... It was my first child & I didn't know what to expect but I was pretty sure, this was not IT...

We went to the hospital & I was rushed into to surgery as I was hemorrhaging. I remember all of what happened but after they took her out of me, they took her to SCBU & once back on a ward I was given a picture of her. I lost it, I screamed at the nurse, threw the picture back at her, told her I didn't want a photo, I wanted my baby... Demanded that they took me to see her. They told me that I couldn't see her until I had eaten & the feeling in my legs had came back.. I slammed my legs up & down on the bed & they were obviously worried about the damage I could do as they gave in & took me down to see her.. She was so tiny.. 3lb 2oz, covered in fur, no eyelashes, no finger or toe nails, she was just like a little squirrel monkey... I was IN LOVE... MY Baby... (I'm crying as I type) she was perfect & I had made her...

Over the next couple of days, I had to stay in hospital but I was allowed down to see her when ever I wanted but with somebody to take me in a wheel chair. On the third day, I had woken early, showered & waited for "him in doors" to come & take me to see my precious little bundle, but we were told we couldn't go in, something was wrong, we sat outside not knowing what was happening... My heart was in my throat. Finally they came out to us & told us that Boo had stopped breathing... I burst in to tears but was quickly reassured by the doctor that she was fine & that they had put her on a C Pap..

The next couple of weeks were hard, she stopped breathing 3 more times. The doctors sat with me & explained that her lungs hadn't opened properly & that they were keeping an eye on her & that they were doing everything they could... After this, she seemed to improve, so much so that they told me that I could possibly take her home on my birthday. I was so happy.. The next morning, I went to Mothercare, I walked around the shop with a huge smile on my face, pointing to this buggy, that cot, the sales girl telling me that they could have them delivered before she came home.. Then my mobile rang, it was an unknown number, I answered the call & my world came crashing down around my ears... It was a nurse from SCBU, they aren't allowed to ring parents if anything is happening but she was a friend... I ran as fast as I could to the cab office next door, I was crying & couldn't get my words out, I asked for a cab & the man on the switch board told me that he had no cabs, I collapsed, in a crying heap, he came around to help me up & I explained, the best I could, that my daughter had stopped breathing & he picked me up & quickly ushered me to his car & told me that he would take me.. He rushed to the hospital & as I tried to take my money out he just pushed me & told my to run... I ran as fast as my legs could carry me... The look on the nurses faces said it all... They stopped me going into the Warm room..(still crying as I type) I screamed & I'm sure I started shouting, no, calling her name, then all of a sudden, there was a flurry in the warm room.. The doctor came out smiling, shaking his head. Boo had started breathing again, kicking & waving her arms.. He told me that they were going to have to do test though as she had "died" They would have to check her brain or something like that, to be honest, I wasn't listening, I was weeping & thanking "God". 10 days after this, I was allowed to take her home... but thats another story..

The next 12yrs & 9 months have gone relatively easy compared to that...

So, now you see, from Dead to 13... Wednesday was Boo's 13th Birthday & a very emotional day for me... I honestly thank my lucky stars that I still have my Boo in my life, I am also lucky enough to have two more babies.. My "Princess" & my "Monster"


  1. WOW. What an amazing journey you and Boo have been on. My heart was in my mouth whilst reading it. Thank god for all those wonderful doctors and nurses at the hospital. Both of my kids came late so I cannot imagine what you must of been through.
    Happy Happy Birthday Boo and well done Mum for doing such a brilliant job.
    Lots of love xxx

  2. I still send them photos of Boo every year... They were amazing.

    Thank you for your lovely & kind words.. :o)

  3. Of course 13 is special - special to anyone but more so for you - wow! What a journey you have been on together. My eldest will be turning 13 in a few months...goodness, I am not sure where the time has gone!