Thursday, 31 May 2012

The "Tunnel" is NOT a club...

In 1997 I went on holiday with my best friend Sarah, we went to Majorca for two weeks... The holiday started at 9.30 that morning as we arrived at the Airport. We went for a McDonalds breakfast before the flight & thought it a good idea to add Vodka to our Orange juices.. Start as you mean to go on & all that... Well, it was our first holiday on our own.

SJ has ALWAYS been a lover of shoes, every kind of shoes but mostly HIGH ones... Anyway, she had decided that her new HIGH, brown, patchwork Wedges were the shoes to be worn. we should have foreseen then that perhaps these were not the right shoes for walking on & off of a plane in after quite a few Vodka's... Going out was a rush to the plane & trying to run in wedges isn't easy, people were laughing & to be fair it made me chuckle too but not as much as the leaving the plane did... We had obviously had a few more drinks on the plane & we were quite merry, tipsy, sloshed, whatever you want to call it.. Ha ha ha. So, the plane lands & it's time to leave the plane but instead of there being a bridge, there is the stairs, SJ' face was a picture.. "I can't get down them in these" I told her to take them off them but Noooooo, she couldn't do that. I went first & she stood at the top just calling out "Help me sweetie, don't leave me" "sweetie, please, don't leave me" everybody was watching & laughing, I could help her as I was laughing too much. She finally got down & we continued on our holiday.

The hotel was nice & our room turned out to be an apartment. We put the cases in then went to the bar, as you do.. The next day we went by the pool & started talking to a gay couple (god, I've just realised, I always manage to find the gays on holiday, should change my name to faghag.. ;oP ) They were from Brighton & we got on really well with them.. We did the usual stuff that day, swam, sunbathed etc when later that day we spotted a little German kid being thrown in the pool by his dad, this poor lad was beside himself.. " Nein, nein, nein" called this lad as he got thrown in.. Then glug, glug, glug as the kid just went to the bottom of the pool. Sarah & I both jumped up ready to get in & get him (well, she would have, at the time, I had a fair of deep water) Anyway, the lads dad finally jumps in & gets him.. This amazed us & still does to this day, why, if you child really doesn't want you to do it & obviously can't swim, why would you throw him in??
To be fair, they weren't the only nutty Germans there either, we were sat on our balcony one afternoon & we saw this little German girl, just standing & dancing, no music, nothing, nowhere near music or anyone come to think of it... I told SJ that she reminded me of her.. Ha ha ha

Of an evening we would go for a wonder & this one night we ended up in a night club. We got talking to some bloke who told us that he would really like to take us to "The Tunnel" I wasn't to sure about this but SJ thought that maybe it was a club & that we were together so we would be ok... Eventually we went, on the drive to this "Tunnel" I started to worry, we didn't know where we were, who we were with & where we were going... He stopped at his house to pick something up & I told Sarah what I was thinking, she assured me that we would be ok as she had her "Huge brown wedges" on & she could hit him with them if he tried anything funny.. He got back in the car & gave us perfume each, very odd, but we took it so not to offend & we set off again, the journey took ages, still no club in sight.. Finally after about 3hrs we arrived in another village, city, whatever it was, & there was no "Tunnel" we asked him where the club was & he looked puzzled, "There is no club, this, this is the Tunnel" & pointed at a tunnel we had driven through. It transpired that it was a mountain that separated the two cities & that they had made it into a "Tunnel" Sarah & I just burst into fits of laughter, all that worry, all that time in the car for a bloody Tunnel... Martin took us back to our hotel & offered to take us out the next night, we thanked him but declined... Thinking about it now, we were so stupid, never would I do something like that now & I hope & prey that my daughters have enough sense not to do anything so dangerous but it is funny when we talk about it....

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